So I finally got my approval from insurance and also a surgery date of October 8th.
I start my liquid diet on September 24th. Before I decided to have this surgery, I would not do it specifically because I knew I couldn't handle the liquid diet. My head is screaming to me that there is absolutely no way I can handle it or get through it. But there's this other feeling, deep but accessible. It's saying that I can do this, it will be very difficult and it will feel like I'm breaking in two and that my life is falling apart but I will be a different person, a healthier me.
Someone in my 12 step program mentioned that maybe all this illness, back pain and nausea is my body going through a transition and must experience this transition in order to be free of the weight, the pain and the constant fatigue.
Whatever happens, I will be alive to experience it.
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